dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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