It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
