Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
