I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize