I bet he comes in French.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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