well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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