**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
