they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize