P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
