She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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