maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
