Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
