I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
