dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
