he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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