i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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