Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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