You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
