Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
