We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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