Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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