I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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