She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
