We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Acid is not a monday night drug
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
