Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
