On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
