Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
