Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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