i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize