So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
