Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
