I'm gonna have a badass scar
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
