if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Randomize
