He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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