capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
