she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
