Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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