Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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