I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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