once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
