What a fucking waste of an outfit
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
