Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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