i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
