mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
