those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
