booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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