it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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