Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
