Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
