I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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