Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
