omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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