I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
