Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sorry my hands just texted you
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
