Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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