i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
