Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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