I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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