I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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