He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
