I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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