There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
