it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize