If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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