I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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