Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
