I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
