I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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