There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize