Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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