Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
