when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize